Too Many Thoughts

Just trying to clear my head out a little.

Start to this weekend not promising.... went to a funeral service today for a very nice woman who was one of my only "safe" contacts here in Smith, that is outside my family.  By "safe" contact, I mean someone I didn't feel too uncomfortable around, someone who seemed to be able to be nice and polite to me without expecting something in return. Too many people here are "sourpusses", including me, when I'm out and about and I get very uncomfortable with that due to the social phobia I can't even explain to them why.
Rain, rain and more rain..... weekend forecast mean I am housebound and with no time left on my Internet, until Sunday, I have no real idea what to do with myself.

TP..... still lots of random thoughts on the person and the other meanings of these two initials. Still lots of TP with Facebook too, technical problems. Really wish I could just forget all the shit that went on and blank out all those friggin thoughts!

Broke.... as per usual, and still got bills coming in and things I need to get. Tired of "sponging" off my mom and nowhere to turn for help. Well, that's my life!

Really wish I knew when to call my daughter Chris but the time difference and her work make that difficult. Sure do miss her though!

Facebook.... with Internet so bloomin expensive out here and no options available, library not viable because it's only open 3 times a week and if it's raining or she's on vacation like these 2 weeks... it's impossible to access much. Thinking maybe I should give up some on Facebook and just let people delete or block me if they want.... I'm too lazy and too obsessive to delete anyone or keep anyone blocked for long. Anyways , I know anybody who "gives a damn" about me would talk to me first.  This also kind of goes along with last blog.

Physical health is not getting better but some problems actually worse.... Can't go for long walks anymore due to pain in back and hips, scares me that I might lose the ability to walk too soon. Fibromyalgia acting up with all the rainy days... At least the stress and most the the anxiety is gone!

What to do? What to do?.... Still haven't been studying doctrine, seems pointless with the way family who does treats my daughter and I don't want to listen to something that may be negative in that regard. At the same time, I try to stay in fellowship..... difficult to always keep at it when I don't always agree with what I hear. Part of me wants to go back to studying but a bigger part just doesn't care anymore;-(

Wish I knew what other people think of some of my writings but no one seems to want to share their thoughts... That's just how it goes and I don't write for that reason anyways!