Fear or Anxiety

I have battled many fears in my life. Some of the fears became phobias, which I struggled to overcome; some I have, some only partially and some still remain. To me fear is more than being anxious or expecting the worse; it is a lack of faith that any given situation or event will cause no harm, to those I love or myself.  I usually have a strong faith and believe that God, or whatever you wish to call Him, will protect us; but, at times, that faith isn't as strong as it should be mainly because I know God has His own plans and they may not jibe with mine. Besides, What I think of as "harm" and "too much to handle" may not, because it has not always been, what God thinks of as "harm" or "too much".

I have been claustrophobic since I can remember and it is one fear I have not truly overcome. Though I can handle some limited space, I still fear being trapped in a small space for any length of time.

I do fear being judged/criticized  by others in social situations, which is Social Phobia,and even though I try not to I just can't help it because I know I have never "fit in" and probably never will. I just never really learned how to socialize with people outside of my family without pretending to be someone other than who I feel I am inside.Also, I have met so few people like my family or myself, who can accept others for who they are and try to understand and not judge.

I had a fear of lightning and thunder from when I was a small child. I have "overcome" that fear, in that I understand both and how they work and do not think "harm" will come. However, I still have a physical reaction of anxiety during lengthy storms.

I battled a fear of heights for many years and feel that in most cases I can handle heights; the only exception being when I am close to the edge at a height of over 2 stories. Then the anxiety comes.

In truth, I believe that I am not as afraid as I use to be and have been able to handle the anxiety in most situations; but, there are still times when I prefer not to expose myself to the anxiety. There is just something about the tightness in my chest, the racing heart, the feeling of not being able to breath and the feeling of being overwhelmed that I find discomforting. I know I should work harder on battling the anxiety and the physical symptoms; but, sometimes wonder why. After all, I'm the one who has to live with it and should be able to choose to avoid those situations that cause it, as long as there is no necessity for me to face those situations.

On the other hand, what really gets to me is when people think I am afraid and it's just anxiety, which to me is a physical reaction. What I mean is my body has those reactions even when my mind knows there is no reason for them! { It's like when I feel a connection with a person even when there is no reason to.} Totally frustrating, especially when you don't want to react or feel a certain way!

Can anyone understand any of this?