Coping or Not

Was just reading a article about coping strategies and realized that I not developed many over the years. Those I have developed are not always the healthiest or wisest. For instance, I have developed a nasty habit of hurting myself, whether physically or emotionally, whenever I feel overwhelmed.

I use to like to go for walks when I felt "stressed out" or depressed but, now, my health does not always allow that. The arthritis in my hips, knees and ankles makes walking more than 10 city blocks so painful that it becomes a futile activity to battle the stress or depression. Though I still make sure I walk, at least to mom`s, every day.  However, being out of the city has helped and just going outside and looking at nature helps too.

Mostly, I  tend to snack, smoke or drink too much pop to try and cope. I use to drink alcohol but have pretty much given that up since moving out here. Though the last couple of times I passed the liquor store I thought about going in and buying something to drink. The main reason I don`t is my health. Doctor`s insist I quit smoking but I just don`t know what I would do instead...... probably eat myself to oblivion:-(

Writing thoughts out on this blog has helped me through some really bad times, even if they have been misunderstood and used as weapons against me. Mostly, I find that those few who do bother to read the whole blog tend to try and understand or at least remain quiet if they don`t; but, I wish people would ask if they don`t understand or think I`m being particularly nasty towards them.I've only been truly nasty in a few blogs, which I deleted pretty soon after writing them and then it wasn't always me (per se) but another "part" of the persons that make up Dot. Still fear and hurt have kept me from writing quite a bit lately and some of my deeper thoughts.

It's not that I haven't tried other coping methods, I have. I've tried deep breathing, exercise, relaxation techniques and a few other things I've learned through therapy or groups but I just never felt any benefit from them.I've also tried herbal remedies, vitamin therapies, light therapy and drugs but, unfortunately, nothing seems to help too much during my worst times.

I have found a doctor who has been more helpful, since I moved out here, and who has me on B12 shots now, which help a little. My main concern is the upcoming winter and just how I will get through it. With little to no healthy coping strategies and limited entertainment and funds for Internet, I worry about the upcoming dark periods. I have no one close I can really talk to, no one who really understands or tries, but I do have a few Internet friends who may stick around and help.