Responsibility

For far too many years I have taken on more responsibility in relationships than is necessary or even wise. What I am writing about is my tendency to take on responsibility for how others perceive what I write, say or do. This is mainly because growing up I was taught to "read" other people and respond in the manner I thought would please those people. In other words "pretend to be what others want and not what you want", so as not to upset/hurt or anger the other people. Taking on responsibility for other people's feelings is kind of "ridiculous" and impossible; but, it was the way I was raised and the way I always expected others to think/behave. Now, many of you might think the whole thing is ridiculous and egotistical and you would be right..... to a point.

If the majority of people would consider how what they say,do or write affected other people and treat those others the way they want to be treated I believe we would have a whole lot less pain and fighting in this world. Unfortunately, the current way of thinking is to do,write or say whatever a person wants with little consideration of how it affects others. I see the sense in it, to a point but find it hard to adopt for myself.

That said, I have decided that I do take on too much responsibility in this area and need to change  - especially in regards to "friends", acquaintances and strangers. Keeping myself bottled up and pretending to be what others want has led to me being in a lot of pain, both emotional and physical. It has also led to a point where I no longer even know who I am or what I want. Mostly it has led to a division in my psyche.... ie: the others{see previous blogs}.

I guess I just believe that at 51 years of age I deserve to be myself, even if it means loosing friends or acquaintances and scaring strangers off! So, it is time for me to stop being so damn ridiculous and egotistical and let go of some of the responsibility. That does not mean turning into a self centered, "me only" person; but, just not over-reacting or beating myself up emotionally/mentally for how other people react to me.

I have never intentionally hurt others but have always felt it was my fault even when they misunderstood something I wrote, said or did. This is what has to stop when it comes to anyone outside the family or close friends.  So, no more apologizing for others not understanding me or taking things the wrong way! No more explaining without being asked! No more "pretending" to be someone other than me!

Of course this does not apply to family! Though I do know who in the family can handle the truth and who can not.