2012

Well it's the tail end of 2012 and things have changed some since my last posts.

1. My physical health is getting worse as far as Fibromyalgia, arthritis and pain goes. On the other hand, I am starting to lose weight - though I've probably gained a bit during this holiday season.

2. My mental health is improving - the schisms (aka others) are a lot less frequent in appearance and  the depression is not as bad since I've moved out of the city. On the other hand, I still obsess about some things and still fights anxiety and paranoia.

3. My daughter, Amanda, brought up my cat, Teaser, to live with me. It helps ease some of the "loneliness" of living in my own place.

4. I've let go of a lot of the past, meaning I no longer think there is much to learn from rehashing the same old "injuries" again and again. Trying to live in the present instead.

5. Still see a  pretty bleak future for myself.

6. Still miss my girls and grandkids.

7. Still think about things and people I shouldn't, not sure how to stop that.

8. Still playing games on Facebook, though not as often. Did not even go on Christmas day.

9. Still lazy when it comes to organizing and cleaning house, though some of that is due to physical limitations.

10. Looking forward to gardening again in the spring/summer/fall. My brother built me some planters for Christmas, hope to use them next year.

11. Family, honesty and faith are still the most important things to me. I know I screwed up big time before on the honesty front.. that is, Suzy et al. However, I understand the mechanisms of the schisms in my psyche better now and hope never to do it again. Not that anybody but me cares about that any more.

12.Overall, helped mom a lot during the spring, summer and fall. Have even helped a little this winter, chopping kindling. I still have issues with her at times and I still do not really talk about them with her or anyone.

13.Realizing I am getting old and may not have that much time left, especially if I can't quit smoking and lose about 75 lbs.But then again, who knows how much time any one of us really has..... only God.

14.Still have my faith though it's not as focused/strong as previous years. I practice what I believe and let others find their own beliefs.

Not even sure anyone visits this blog anymore; but, like I always said, I write more for myself than anyone else.Hoping to write more next year, if I could just stop the anxiety and paranoia.