My definition of myself is complicated. It consists of many aspects and thoughts.
1. I am a believer - I believe Jesus Christ was/is real and did die for our sins. I believe in the Trinity.
2. I am a mother - I raised 4 beautiful daughters who have become wonderful women. They have social conscience, empathy and are very aware of who they are and what they expect from life{most of the time}
3. I am beautiful - inside I am a beautiful person even if no one thinks so by looking at my outside. Even if I hate the way I look, I know inside my soul I am beautiful.
4. I am a thinker - I love to think about all sorts of things. My brain is always working on something. I love that most of the time;but, wish it would at least take a break when I sleep. It doesn't though. I know my dreams that I remember are often ways of working out something that has been on my mind.
5. I am smart - I do have a lot of knowledge. Quite a bit from experience and a lot from reading, doing crosswords, watching documentary type programs, listening at the right times, etc. I may be intellectual in some things but am quiet stupid when it comes to social things. Mainly because before this point in my life, I never really cared about socializing. My family was always the biggest part of my life; but, now the girls have grown up and moved on, my siblings are all becoming more distant and I am becoming housebound {for a variety of reasons}
6. I am crazy - Yep, Yep I am:D I accept that I have many mental health issues. They make life challenging and interesting. Sure, I would like to "get better" and often feel that is not possible; but, on days like today - I love who I am even with the "issues" I have:D
7. I am an open person - I love to share what I know, what I think and what I have experienced. I don't care if some people don't like it. It is who I am!
8 I am honest - I try to be 100% honest with others. Sometimes I have failed to be honest but it is because I was worried or scared of what others thought. Also, I will lie to save someones feelings - won't intentionally hurt people. Honesty is a trait I admire in others. Dishonesty is something that is likely to drive me to do "crazy" things.
9. I am disabled - Though my disabilities are not "visible" to most people they are present and at times overwhelming. Still, I am still alive and kicking. I can still function, although at times I don't feel like it.
10. I am obese - By definition an obese person is someone who is more than 100 lbs overweight. I am. I have lost and gained weight numerous times since having my children. I do worry a little about my weight and sometimes let it define me; but, mostly I don't dwell on it - that would be too depressing. I do hate when family or friends try to "joke" about it or "advise" me about it.
I Believe:
I believe peoples actions speak louder than their words.
I believe that when some people are caught in a lie or lies they often attack another person to cover up the truth.
I believe most people make mistakes.
I believe in giving everyone as many chances as they need to be a friend.
I believe "forgiveness" is up to God, not me.
I believe "you can't judge a book by it's cover" and you shouldn't judge a person by how they look.
I believe true friends will stick by you no matter how crazy your actions may appear at times.
I believe I do have some very good friends, true friends on a certain social network.
Showing posts with label Mental illness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mental illness. Show all posts
The Others
I call them parts, they call themselves "the others". Truthfully, I still have no idea exactly what is going on in this head of mine! I do know that some people think I am lying or just using the whole thing as an excuse to get away with behaviour I wouldn't "normally" (in quotes because there is nothing "normal" about me) do; but, those people are 100% wrong! How I wish things were that simple!
I struggled through many, many traumatic events in my life, some of which I have written about and some which I haven't. The only way I was taught to deal with most of these events is to just "forget them and move on", which for me meant bury them and screw the consequences! The consequences eventually led to my mind separating into different parts to deal with different emotions or thoughts. At least that is my belief.
These parts became more active and distinct after I suffered the hemorrhagic in 2007. There are times now where I am relegated to being an observer in my own body. When that happens I have little to no control over what any part may write or do, all I can do is try to "clean up" any mess or trouble they may have caused after the fact. I do not use this as an excuse for any of my actions or words because obviously some part of me actually thinks that way; but, I do mention it to explain what may appear to be erratic or "nasty" behaviour. However, I totally understand that many people do not understand and a few actually do not believe it. Truthfully, before I became aware of the parts I would have had significant trouble believing this from anyone else, except for a few people I know who have been diagnosed with Dissociative Personality disorder (or Multiple Personality Disorder as it was known as).
I struggled through many, many traumatic events in my life, some of which I have written about and some which I haven't. The only way I was taught to deal with most of these events is to just "forget them and move on", which for me meant bury them and screw the consequences! The consequences eventually led to my mind separating into different parts to deal with different emotions or thoughts. At least that is my belief.
These parts became more active and distinct after I suffered the hemorrhagic in 2007. There are times now where I am relegated to being an observer in my own body. When that happens I have little to no control over what any part may write or do, all I can do is try to "clean up" any mess or trouble they may have caused after the fact. I do not use this as an excuse for any of my actions or words because obviously some part of me actually thinks that way; but, I do mention it to explain what may appear to be erratic or "nasty" behaviour. However, I totally understand that many people do not understand and a few actually do not believe it. Truthfully, before I became aware of the parts I would have had significant trouble believing this from anyone else, except for a few people I know who have been diagnosed with Dissociative Personality disorder (or Multiple Personality Disorder as it was known as).
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