I am Dot!

I am Dot!

I struggle daily with ups and downs! 

I try to be more like others but I just can't do it! 

I fight myself daily.

I fight the desire to do things I know I shouldn't! 

I fight the emotional see-saw that my brain puts me through!

I fight self-doubt. 

I fight the paranoia and splitting. 

I fight to have a "normal" life!

I fight suicidal thoughts!

I wonder if anyone understands how much I struggle just to be me.

I am up and down more than a well used see-saw; but, I am struggling to keep it to myself more!

I think too much about others and things I shouldn't and wish I knew how to stop it!

I pray for friend, family, enemies and pretty much everyone I meet.

I also pray for the ability to forget those things I feel I need to. 

I have memory issues over everyday things and names. Sometimes even my own.

I am a mother, even though my daughters are all in their 20's and 30's!  I miss my girls who are farther away, daily!

I write out thoughts for many reasons. 

I do have "attention seeking" traits because I feel so alone!

I am obese:(

I am currently a smoker.

I feel alone even when I am not!

I do know some understand but  I don't feel it:(

I wonder if I will ever really want a "relationship" with anyone besides friendship or have I lost all desire for that.

I am multi-faceted, there is more to me than I can explain in writing!