A psychiatrist once said he believed I was Bipolar , had SADS and Chronic Depression.The way he explained it to me my "manic" phases are linked to my addictions. The reason he said I have Chronic Depression is because I have been battling Depression since I was a teen and my brain has "forgotten" how to not be depressed. These are the only Mental Illnesses I have claimed to have diagnosed.
However, I have tried to explain how my mind is divided into "parts" which is my way of dealing with the world. Some of these "parts" do have names and most of them can push me (Dot) back into an observer position. Thus, I do "lose control" and say or do things which are contrary to my stated beliefs. I just do not really know how to explain it any differently or more clearly. I remember what I have done or said {as much as my faulty memory allows me too} and do know that somewhere inside of my brain I must have wanted to do the things but just couldn't accept the actions and words as my own. All these "parts" came into being throughout my life as ways to deal with emotions and situations I just couldn't handle any other way. I think that is because I was taught that emotions are not good and certain things just are not "acceptable" by the adults in my childhood.
Even writing this out I am struggling to focus and maintain control. The way I think is "crazy" and "unusual" and I have never really been able to explain it or talk about it before the past 3 years. The "parts" have always been with me since I can remember but I have never had "blackouts" other than those from alcohol or drug abuse and the conscious blackout of my childhood when I was a teen. That does not mean I don't have memory problems but I really don't think those problems are related.
If you can understand this and relate I would appreciate knowing I am not alone! However, though I do not have DPD, I do understand it. I have met others with that particular diagnosis.
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